Magical Mystery Tour (Edibles)

I’ve tried some CBD gummies. A lot of mixed results. One time the euphoria was amazing.

Funny how it snuck up on me. One of the best things was the chronic pain wasn’t there, or I didn’t care.

Other times, I wasn’t sure if I was feeling something or I was just too tired to care and notice.

I need more of those little chewy escapes in my life. I noticed I don’t drunk text, so that’s a good thing. A good side effect.

Drunk texting always leads to regret and embarrassment. Always.

I can’t be friends with women anymore. Not in a deep friendship sense. I always ruin it. A self-destruct habit. “Me happens”.

It’s almost quitting time at work. It wasn’t a bad week, it was just “there”. Maybe that’s the problem. No excitement. Feeling sorry for myself and digging up my past glory days. Refer to my last blog “36”.

As I get older, I still want “something”. I’m not even sure what “it” is. Just something new…different.

Life is such a blandness. Such a routine.

I drive down the same roads, cycle the same quiet songs on Spotify. Playing it safe.

Tonight I will get numb, and hopefully hide my phone until morning. 😉

36

I don’t know what’s worse. Writing down the names of girls I had sex with…or forgetting some of the names now.

…or wondering if I forgot someone.

Many years ago, the names were recalled, the faces are still there at least.

It’s not bragging, it’s looking back when I was younger and adventurous.

…when I felt desired. When my smile would catch someone’s eye. The thrill of the chase.

I feel invisible now. And that feels a lot worse.

The longing and need for human touch, the heat of the moment are just memories and fading each year.

I miss that first kiss. Nothing can ever match that. It’s like reaching the summit of a mountain. Nothing else matters in that few precious moments.

Tangled in arms and legs, hearing soft inhales and smelling the sheets or perfume.

I need a vacation. To shake myself out of this self-destruct and downward slide into depression again. No meds can replace that longing.

Maybe a good still drink or 4 tonight will help it either subside, or make it worse.

Maybe.